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Breaking Jersey News is a satirical website.  All content contained within it is entirely fictional.  Whilst some of the public figures may be real, all of the stories contained within the site are fictitious.

 

High-street stalwart unrepentant over 'vulgar' window display

High-street stalwart unrepentant over 'vulgar' window display

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Parish hall inundated with complaints

Jean Winthorpe’s St Helier shop is hot on peoples’ lips again after her controversial new range of vehicle signs have outraged some sections of the local community.  Mrs Winthorpe, who has run WINTHORPE’S for fifty five years, first flirted with controversy in 1971 when she began selling anti-war t-shirts that included such designs as: ‘Nixon is a Twat’ and ‘Henry Kissinger eats children’.  Already proving popular from her latest vehicle sign range are: ‘Driving like a Wrong-Un’, ‘Get any closer and I’ll fuck your teeth in’ and ‘Honk if you want to cup my balls’.

Another of Mrs Winthorpe’s new signs

Another of Mrs Winthorpe’s new signs

Mrs Winthorpe, who, along with confectionary and board games, now stocks a range of pornographic DVDs and imitation firearms, is unrepentant in the face of her detractors.  ‘I’m just an ordinary trader’ she says ‘I provide people with things they wish to purchase.  If I stock things and they do not sell, I do not stock them again.  It’s quite simple.  I remember when everyone went berserk about those space-hopper dildos I brought in.  But people couldn’t get enough of them.  Paid for my trip to Tobago they did’’ 

Morris L’Eclerc, head of Jersey Trading Standards, explained that there was very little that could be done.  ‘She hasn’t actually broken any laws’ he said ‘I don't want my children seeing gimp jigsaw puzzles either, but our hands are tied' 

WTF as WMDs in JFTU

WTF as WMDs in JFTU

Jersey Accident and Emergency department set to stage musicals

Jersey Accident and Emergency department set to stage musicals