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Breaking Jersey News is a satirical website.  All content contained within it is entirely fictional.  Whilst some of the public figures may be real, all of the stories contained within the site fictitious.

 

St Ouen's tree in line for sensational big screen debut

St Ouen's tree in line for sensational big screen debut

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An enchanting St Ouen’s tree could be in line for a sensational big screen debut after it was confirmed by Fox 2000 Pictures that it had made the shortlist of locations for a dwarf wrestling sequence in the next instalment of a major blockbuster action series.  Percy Jackson and the Thunderclap Salvation, scheduled for production in 2018, will feature a multi-million-dollar fight scene involving upward of six dwarves.  ‘This tree has it all’ explained Christopher Nolan (The Dark Knight, Inception), the man at the reins of the picture. ‘It has thick foliage on its peripheries - facilitating a possible ambush, it has a great range of branches at varying levels for gymnastically inspired sparring sequences, and it allows fantastic access for our lighting and sound booms.  Not only that, it has forgiving, spongy grass around its trunk, and a fantastic set of stairs for tumbling down.  It really is a director’s dream.’

Casting began in Marseilles in November

Casting began in Marseilles in November

The news has come as something of a shot in the arm for besieged minister Alan Maclean who has had to field increasingly hostile questions about his awarding of a £200,000 grant to Canbedone Productions for their faltering epic, Knights of Impossingworth starring Bill Nighy.  ‘This could be a real coup for the Island’ said Senator Maclean of the announcement ‘It is clear to me that recent attempts to showcase Jersey on a global platform are beginning to bear fruit.  If this offering looks like being anything like The Lightening Thief, I’ll be right there on La Pulente balcony cheering things along on with Ian.’

'Thar she blows!'  La Fregate cafe to be turned the other way up

'Thar she blows!' La Fregate cafe to be turned the other way up

Man from St Ouen sees Nelson Mandela in his Weetabix

Man from St Ouen sees Nelson Mandela in his Weetabix