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'In the Night Garden' slammed over marginalisation of Pontipines

'In the Night Garden' slammed over marginalisation of Pontipines

Shock waves ripple through the industry as CBeebies stalwart In the Night Garden delivered withering assessment of its working practices.

Mr Matthew Pontipine

Mr Matthew Pontipine

In a landmark ruling by the Supreme Court this morning, presiding judge Sir Edwin Jenkins agreed with Matthew Pontipine, chairman of the Jersey Pontipine Solidarity Movement, in his claim that the Pontipines were treated unfairly on In the Night Garden.

In addressing the court, Judge Jenkins said: ‘The programme in question, In the Night Garden, is a regular fixture in the lives of our very youngest children.  Whilst I accept, to a degree, Ragdoll Media’s argument that the offering is entirely a work of fiction, and of fantasy, I cannot accept that it ‘‘mustn’t be taken at face value’’.   ‘Having closely studied one hundred episodes, it has become evident to me that there is a thematic marginalisation of the Pontipines, and that every time they make an appearance, we, the viewer, are played a musical jingle which borders on the repulsive, with its inclusion of the line: ‘‘Though they (the Pontypines) are rather small, they are hardly there at all’’

The remark brought cheers and whistles from the rear of the courtroom.  Judge Jenkins pleaded for order.

‘What sort of message is this sending out to children?’ he asked ‘-That just because we mightn’t be big in stature, we should be ignored?  That just because we are small, our opinions don’t matter as much?  That we are in some way ‘‘second class’’ citizens?  That we are ‘‘hardly there at all?’’  At this remark, a woman jumped up onto her seat, and began furious waving a banner reading ‘Justice for the Clangers!’  As court officials bore down on her, she began shouting and bearing her breasts. 

‘And not only that!’ Judge Jenkins added, as the woman was led away. ‘On top of this little jingle, they, the Pontipines, are systematically overlooked when it comes to rides on both the Ninky-Nonk and the Plinky-Plonk’

Judge Jenkins then ruled in favour of the claimant, Mr Pontypine.  There were jubilant scenes across the courtroom as formalities were then wrapped up. 

But in a startling breach of protocol, judge Jenkins then shocked everyone.  ‘And I must say!’ he shouted out, clambering to his feet as the courtroom began to empty ‘that on an entirely unrelated issue, I find that both Upsy Daisy’s bed-hopping and the Tombliboos’ inability to keep their trousers on, deeply, deeply unsettling!’.  The court room erupted.  Police had to step in to restore order and oversee dispersal of the now fevered attendees.

Mr Pontipine and family

Mr Pontipine and family

We spoke to Mr Pontypine on his return home.  ‘My great grandfather fought in two World Wars’ he said, holding back tears ‘let it be known to Ragdoll, and to all the other producers of children’s entertainment, that this is a watershed moment.  This is when we stand together.  This is when we stand together and say a resounding ‘no’ to Fascism before Bedtime Stories

The ruling today means that the previous 1460 episodes of the iconic children’s programme are going to have to be reshot. 

Shares in Ragdoll Productions have also nose-dived since the ruling, wiping an estimated £1.8 billion from their market value, and thus opening the door to a potential raft of similar cases being brought before the courts. 

It is rumoured that the Wiley Coyote filed papers as early as this afternoon.

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