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Disclaimer:

Breaking Jersey News is a satirical website.  All content contained within it is entirely fictional.  Whilst some of the public figures may be real, all of the stories contained within the site fictitious.

 

Flybe set for Monarch Airlines merger?

Flybe set for Monarch Airlines merger?

Share price surge after leaked images emerge of Nevada test craft

The winds of change? Breathtaking images distributed online

The winds of change? Breathtaking images distributed online

Flybe has refused to comment after photographs released today on Al-Jazeera seem to suggest that the defunct airline Monarch is set to announce an audacious takeover of the troubled UK carrier.

Rumours of a ‘ground-breaking’ new passenger service have been whispered about in aeronautical circles for some time now, and the images being shared across the internet today - purportedly taken on a former US military air base, would indicate that the two UK companies are on the brink of launching just that.

 Allegedly referred to as the ‘X19’, the state-of-the-art new aircraft will boast:

  • A fully adjustable taxiing spoiler, allowing the craft to be maneuvered in tight spaces

  • A multi-purpose storage bag affixed to the underside of the craft, safely stowing all refuse and dirty water generated during flights

  • All-terrain take-off/landing wheels

  • An outer perimeter ‘skirt’ (not pictured), saving passengers’ toes from injury during boarding and disembarkation.

The new vessel will also reportedly feature the world’s first electric jet engines, boasting zero emissions, and operating at full capacity after just an eighteen-hour charge time.

Emergency meetings have been set up by all major flight operators, with the hashtag #trousersroundyourankles being used widely across social media to throw scorn on their apparent ignorance of the new technology. 

Pudsey in Mimosa shame

Pudsey in Mimosa shame

Heartbreak on the streets: A.I. bots force carol-singing local school children into redundancy

Heartbreak on the streets: A.I. bots force carol-singing local school children into redundancy