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Breaking Jersey News is a satirical website.  All content contained within it is entirely fictional.  Whilst some of the public figures may be real, all of the stories contained within the site are fictitious.

 

Pudsey in Mimosa shame

Pudsey in Mimosa shame

Dark cloud cast over Children in Need after iconic figurehead revels in St Helier nightclub with Sir Philip Green

There have been widespread calls for Pudsey to consider his position as photographs continue to emerge of him partying into the small hours in a Jersey nightspot.

Organisers first raised the alarm when the celebrated bear failed to show up for a coffee morning at St Martyn’s tearooms today.

‘We were adamant that we were not going to let it spoil the occasion’ explained proprietor, Victoria Glays.  ‘But I would be lying if I told you that morale hadn’t suffered.  And to see all these images now,’ she said ‘it’s a real disappointment.  It really is.’  ‘There are kids going hungry on the streets, and he’s out there snorting tequila off some girl’s breasts.’  ‘For shame’ 

Mont Nicole teaching assistant Katie Finch was one of the ones let down when Pudsey was a no-show for their ten o’clock Gunge-Dunk.  

‘Once again’ Ms Finch said ‘behind a veneer of philanthropic endeavour, we find a self-centred egotist with no moral compass.  I saw him in Voisin’s on my lunch break.  That was the first appearance he made today apparently.  One o’clock.  I’ve never seen someone look so sheepish.  Stank of booze.  And get this….. he was wearing TWO eye patches!  He couldn’t even bring himself to cheer properly when they cut the ribbon for the new changing areas.’  ‘Prick’ 

The ramifications of Pudsey’s late night antics are now being felt in the mainland too.  As pictures of the partying bear went viral across social platforms this morning, Chris Evans’ Radio 2 auction finished an estimated £3million down on the previous five years, and Theresa May was forced during her emergency cabinet meeting this morning to answer repeated calls for an explanation, as she fought to stave off a no-confidence vote on Brexit.

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