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Breaking Jersey News is a satirical website.  All content contained within it is entirely fictional.  Whilst some of the public figures may be real, all of the stories contained within the site are fictitious.

 

Stormy Daniels spotted leaving Apollo Hotel with '2018 senatorial candidate'

Stormy Daniels spotted leaving Apollo Hotel with '2018 senatorial candidate'

Cries for a voting day postponement intensify, as former porn-star Stephanie Clifford is photographed leaving St Helier hotel with hooded ‘senatorial hopeful’, and holding a large manila envelope  

After the revelation on Saturday that Cambridge Analytica had been harvesting Co-op member data for an unknown benefactor, the upcoming elections have been thrown further into turmoil after we can reveal today that former porn-star Stormy Daniels was spotted leaving the Apollo Hotel in the small hours of this morning, accompanied by a ‘well-respected’ senatorial hopeful, and carrying a large manila envelope, allegedly full of banknotes.

Chief minister Gorst, who is desperately awaiting the arrival of UN observers from Nigeria to add credibility to upcoming vote, is said to be ‘dumbfounded’ by the revelation, and is ‘aggressively seeking to identify’ the mystery individual, through a series of closed internal discussions and voluntary polygraph tests.

The night porter of the Apollo, who first broke the story, and who will remain anonymous, is currently in a UK safe-house.  He has told Breaking Jersey News he is willing to testify under oath, in exchange for a guarantee of his residential qualifications, and for a town centre parking space.

Black Wednesday: mass strikes feared after voter turmoil

Black Wednesday: mass strikes feared after voter turmoil

'Healthy' 53-year-old suffers epileptic fit in LCD revamped Co-op aisle

'Healthy' 53-year-old suffers epileptic fit in LCD revamped Co-op aisle