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Breaking Jersey News is a satirical website.  All content contained within it is entirely fictional.  Whilst some of the public figures may be real, all of the stories contained within the site are fictitious.

 

Excitement builds at Waitrose's new gender-neutral charity tokens

Excitement builds at Waitrose's new gender-neutral charity tokens

Top retailer 'moving into the 21st century' with eagerly anticipated design revision

‘We are truly a forward-thinking company’ explained Waitrose area manager Michelle Gibbons of the revised scheme ‘we are very excited about the new tokens; which we will be rolling out with the Lieutenant Governor tomorrow...… although, not literally!!’

‘Exciting times ahead’

‘Exciting times ahead’

‘Shoppers who receive a new charity token’ Mrs Gibbons explained ‘will also, as of lunchtime tomorrow, have the choice between dropping it into a slot as usual, or now easing it down over a shaft.’  ‘The decision is entirely up to the individual.'  

The new system of token-collection shafts, mounted adjacent to the slots

The new system of token-collection shafts, mounted adjacent to the slots

'There will also' Mrs Gibbons went on 'be curtains around all of our token collection points, allowing shoppers to either carry out their wishes in private, or to publicly register their preferences.'

The John Lewis Group, parent company of Waitrose, has won widespread acclaim in the Channel Islands recently for its embracing of modern technology, after announcing plans for a Virtual Reality tea-room in its St Brelade outlet, and for trialling hologram till staff in St Helier.  

 

14 children in custody after GDPR 'Happy Birthday' song violation

14 children in custody after GDPR 'Happy Birthday' song violation

Black Wednesday: mass strikes feared after voter turmoil

Black Wednesday: mass strikes feared after voter turmoil