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Breaking Jersey News is a satirical website.  All content contained within it is entirely fictional.  Whilst some of the public figures may be real, all of the stories contained within the site are fictitious.

 

Local YouTube prankster dies after falling into giant vat of custard

Local YouTube prankster dies after falling into giant vat of custard

Review of Sand Street car park ordered as tributes trickle in for aspiring internet sensation

A review of Sand Street car park’s security measures has been ordered after former Le Rocquier pupil and aspiring social media star Marcus Douchesack was discovered drowned in a 4,000-litre tank of Ambrosia table custard that he had balanced atop the roof edge as part of an audacious practical joke he had hoped to play on Friday shoppers. 

It is understood Mr Douchesack, 18, had planned to drop the custard onto pedestrians in an attempt to achieve his first viral-hit upload on YouTube.  

Inspector Keith Honeydew gave the following statement this afternoon.  ‘We believe Marcus got into difficulty when he attempted to free-up one of the two ropes supporting the vessel of custard.  It is then that we believe Marcus slipped into the tank, panicked, and couldn’t resurface under the weight of all his body-mounted cameras and selfie-sticks’ 

Marcus was well-known around the island, and had attracted a certain degree of attention recently after bursting his grandmother’s eardrum with an air-horn, having let it off next to her as she slept; and for electrocuting his step-father with a Top Gear decorated birthday cake that he had wired to the mains. 

‘He was certainly a cheeky chappie’ explained neighbour Gloria Hunkdrummond ‘We hadn’t spoken for a good while.  Not since he put my cat in gyroscope.’  

‘It’s a tragedy’ said the Dean of Jersey, the Reverend Geoffrey Goldthrush. ‘A terrible, terrible waste.’  ‘My wife and I volunteer at the men’s refuge – and this is all just too much.’   He sighed. ‘That custard could have made a real difference on the streets of St Helier.’ 

Since his death was announced this afternoon, Marcus’s YouTube following swelled from 145 to 38.9 million people.

‘We hope,’ explained Inspector Honeydew ‘that the ad revenue generated by the spike in popularity of Marcus’s page, may just be enough for his parents to cover the removal cost of the tank from the car park.’

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